Milestones

Pug and yellow lab lying down together
They were so cute!

My girlfriend was kind enough to give my daughter some pictures in a little photo album of when she was a baby.  My husband was always the -picture taker-.  My daughter turns 25 this year, and of course milestones always bring on memories and tears.   The pictures were cute, and her dad is with her in a few.  He loved her so much, he loved both his kids so much.  He would be so proud of her accomplishments.  I know she still feels ripped off.  She was turning 15 when he passed away. When I see my current partners girls, and how little time they spend with their dad, makes me want to scream.  I know it is different when parents are divorced and the kids go live with the mum or the dad, but I still want to shake them up. Having said that,  I know they do the best they can, but they have no idea how lucky they are.

I have had my place up for sale, since I moved in with my partner 4 years ago, and am finally going to rent – which means packing – omg, another tear jerker….I know we have to let our feelings flow, and that there are lots of happy memories, but for my daughter I am sad, I wish so much that her dad was here for her, to give her a hug and tell her she is doing great – then tell her a joke – 🙂

MS wise I am pissed, I wonder what I am still doing here, I cant help it sometimes.  I was always so fit, so healthy, just a regular mom – I went to physio therapist to see what I could do to help the muscles I have with walking, and I find out my hip muscles are not doing much – no message getting through.   Urgg- 90 percent of the time I am good to go, will soldier on, life is good.  But then I wonder – would my partner be better off on his own? My mom was 41 when I was born.  So, since I am 52, I would be 11.  My mom went back to work when I was 11.  Why do we think too much?  I am still hoping to take the mindfulness course but I wonder if I should stop the copaxone?  Is it doing anything?

I am getting a headache doing all this thinking.  Really was not my intention at all.

3 comments

  1. My Mother gave me the best advice: We have every right to feel miserable, to rant at the world. MS is a horrible, debilitating disease. Wallow in self pity . . . . . for 15 minutes! Then watch a weepy movie, blow your nose and move on. Life is not for the faint of heart but it is so worth the risk!

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    1. Thank you quail, I know I need an attitude adjustment! It’s kinda weird, I have always had a hearing disability -legally deaf, or whatever the terminology is, and that rarely bothers me, but the MS , maybe because is a more gradual loss, is; having the calf measured and finding out one is 1.5 inches less than the other in muscle, blew me away, so sometimes have to go with the loss for a bit, or grief, so I don’t get stuck later? does that make sense?

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  2. It makes absolute sense! We need to allow ourselves time to grieve and get angry, but put a time limit on it. You don’t want to get stuck. If you force yourself to move on eventually it will become easier. I say this from nearly 30 years of doing it. Always remember that you are worth the effort!

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