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MS JOURNAL

Milestones

Pug and yellow lab lying down together
They were so cute!

My girlfriend was kind enough to give my daughter some pictures in a little photo album of when she was a baby.  My husband was always the -picture taker-.  My daughter turns 25 this year, and of course milestones always bring on memories and tears.   The pictures were cute, and her dad is with her in a few.  He loved her so much, he loved both his kids so much.  He would be so proud of her accomplishments.  I know she still feels ripped off.  She was turning 15 when he passed away. When I see my current partners girls, and how little time they spend with their dad, makes me want to scream.  I know it is different when parents are divorced and the kids go live with the mum or the dad, but I still want to shake them up. Having said that,  I know they do the best they can, but they have no idea how lucky they are.

I have had my place up for sale, since I moved in with my partner 4 years ago, and am finally going to rent – which means packing – omg, another tear jerker….I know we have to let our feelings flow, and that there are lots of happy memories, but for my daughter I am sad, I wish so much that her dad was here for her, to give her a hug and tell her she is doing great – then tell her a joke – 🙂

MS wise I am pissed, I wonder what I am still doing here, I cant help it sometimes.  I was always so fit, so healthy, just a regular mom – I went to physio therapist to see what I could do to help the muscles I have with walking, and I find out my hip muscles are not doing much – no message getting through.   Urgg- 90 percent of the time I am good to go, will soldier on, life is good.  But then I wonder – would my partner be better off on his own? My mom was 41 when I was born.  So, since I am 52, I would be 11.  My mom went back to work when I was 11.  Why do we think too much?  I am still hoping to take the mindfulness course but I wonder if I should stop the copaxone?  Is it doing anything?

I am getting a headache doing all this thinking.  Really was not my intention at all.

By Sarah Lomas

I have my eyes wide open to catch all my dreams. MSWarrior! Widowed and then some, proud mom of two fantastic kids. Wear two hearing aids and primarily lip read. Always looking for new things to to try.

3 replies on “Milestones”

My Mother gave me the best advice: We have every right to feel miserable, to rant at the world. MS is a horrible, debilitating disease. Wallow in self pity . . . . . for 15 minutes! Then watch a weepy movie, blow your nose and move on. Life is not for the faint of heart but it is so worth the risk!

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Thank you quail, I know I need an attitude adjustment! It’s kinda weird, I have always had a hearing disability -legally deaf, or whatever the terminology is, and that rarely bothers me, but the MS , maybe because is a more gradual loss, is; having the calf measured and finding out one is 1.5 inches less than the other in muscle, blew me away, so sometimes have to go with the loss for a bit, or grief, so I don’t get stuck later? does that make sense?

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It makes absolute sense! We need to allow ourselves time to grieve and get angry, but put a time limit on it. You don’t want to get stuck. If you force yourself to move on eventually it will become easier. I say this from nearly 30 years of doing it. Always remember that you are worth the effort!

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